Tuesday 17 May 2011

Ryan Giggs not doing anything even remotely newsworthy


Reports are surfacing this morning that Manchester United footballer Ryan Giggs is not doing anything even remotely newsworthy.

The veteran winger is said to be going about his daily routine much like he does every day, with nothing he has done, or is doing, being of any interest to anyone – especially you.

Sports writer Mike Williams told us, “This is just another ordinary day in which Ryan Giggs does nothing at all that we should consider reporting as ‘news’.”

“He’s just going about his business, doing stuff that’s not worth putting in our newspapers, just like any other millionaire footballer with lots of time on his hands.”

“He made a cup of tea earlier, no sugar, and it appeared to be some sort of organic Soy milk that was added.  Then he read the papers for a bit.”

“If I was forced, and had to say something about his current activities, I guess it would be ‘move along, nothing to see here’.”

Giggs doing nothing newsworthy

The lack of anything interesting going on in Giggs’ life is fast becoming a cause for frustration among professional journalists.

Tabloid reporter Derek Smith told us, “We thought maybe the grocery run might provide a bit of newsworthy material, but it didn’t.  Unless you’re interested in how much he spends on stain removal and prevention? No? Yeah, I didn’t think so.”

“He drives at the speed limit, is polite to everyone he meets, and appears to be the perfect professional sports person.  I guess we’ll just have to accept that, right?”

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