Monday 16 May 2011

Osama Bin Laden’s taste in porn pretty much his only redeeming feature, admit CIA


After two weeks assessing the materials gathered during the raid which killed Osama Bin Laden, CIA officials have admitted that pretty much his only redeeming feature is his ‘spectacularly good’ taste in smut.

The operation which killed him two weeks ago was expected to uncover intelligence regarding Al Qaeda operatives, but instead found materials confirming Bin Laden’s penchant for cheerleaders with pig-tails.

An intelligence official told reporters, “We’ve spent years thinking of Bin Laden as a criminal mastermind, but it somehow humanises him to think of him angrily thumbing one out to White Men Can’t Hump – whilst hoping not to wake up one of his wives.”

“We also strongly suspect he had a ‘porn buddy’ who simply didn’t have time to react to our operation. You know, the guy who comes to your house and rids it of porn in the event of your untimely death.  We’ve all got one ladies, just get over it.”

“But we were in and out before they knew it, and so we’ve been able to extensively review his collection over the last two weeks – and we have to say, Bravo Osama, Bravo.”

Bin Laden’s Jazz Mags

Experts have said that his penchant for Western style pornography suggests he may have been more like us than perhaps we had first thought.

Bus Driver Shane Williams told us, “Anyone who owns the extended DVD version of Good Will Humping can’t be all bad, surely?”

“I mean, I’ve never seen Sleeping Booty but if Osama had it then I’ll bet it’s dynamite.”

An Al Qaeda spokesperson told Al Jazeera, “We strongly refute these allegations, and can assure our supporters that Osama was only looking after Womb Raider for a friend.”

Osama Bin Laden FOUND – T-Shirt

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: