Friday 13 May 2011 By @JohnnyBeelzebub

Merseyside struck with contagious Dalglish delusion


A virulent contagion is sweeping through Merseyside leaving people with the delusion that Kenny Dalglish never left Liverpool and the largely depressing decades in between never happened.

Symptoms include insisting that the last twenty years were just an awful dream, with the Gallagher brothers just being an ugly part of that nightmare and the Neville brothers being the most grotesque part of all.

“It seems to be another strain of the illness that I first encountered in 1996,” virologist Dr Gareth Collins explained.

“A man who was definitely wearing the correct prescription glasses witnessed a vicious assault just inches from his nose but immediately erased the incident from memory because Patrick Vieira was playing for his team at the time.”

“But these poor souls in Liverpool appear to be suffering from an acute and contagious form of Wengeritis that hasn’t been seen since Take That announced their comeback.”

Timewarp

People can be seen all across Merseyside convinced that Rushie and ‘Rocket’ Ronnie Rosenthal are still banging in the goals and Barnesy is still out on the wing holding in his waistline, doing the Anfield Rap.

“Yes, and some are convinced that this week will definitely be the one that Bryan Adams is finally removed from the top of the charts,” the doctor continued.

“While others are beginning to get the impression that this Saddam Hussein fellow is a nasty sort, despite his ‘great moustache’ .”

“But all of them say one thing and that’s, ‘Roy Hodgson? Never heard of him’.”

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