Thursday 12 May 2011 By @JohnnyBeelzebub

World in shock as Scotsman turns to violence


The very foundations that the world was built upon have been swept away after video footage of a Scotsman engaging in an act of violence was circulated around the globe.

For centuries, Scots have been renowned for their aura of peace and zen-like calm and many people are refusing to believe that man involved could have actually been Scottish.

“No way. It just can’t be,” said a visibly shaken human behavioural expert. “That’s like defying the laws of gravity.”

“If you told me it was the Dalai Lama that jumped out of the crowd with the intention of inflicting Hell upon the Celtic manager then I might have believed you.”

“But the people of Scotland are the most gentle and placid people on Earth so I refuse to believe that this man could be one of them.”

People perplexed

Others are attempting to bring some form of reason to the baffling situation with explanations for the man’s behaviour.

“Mr Lennon must’ve been about to stand on a fragile insect,” one man guessed, “and perhaps he was desperately trying to save the creature when he slipped.”

“Or maybe he was trying to hug him,” claimed another. “The Scottish mantra is one of love so I can only assume that he was trying to share his inner peace with somebody who really needed it.”

Conspiracy theorists are now claiming that the man was sent in from abroad in an attempt the tarnish the reputation of the world’s most peaceable people.

A man has been arrested but police have yet to confirm his identity, or more importantly his nationality.

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