After plans that could allow rich people to buy university places were announced, the government said we could do without all this secret policy stuff if poor people just admitted rich people were better than them.
Universities minister David Willets told reporters it was important to ensure that the very best educational opportunities were not taken away from rich people just because they are incredibly stupid.
He said, “Education should be for everyone, but above all it should be for those morons with access to a significant trust fund.”
A government spokesperson went on to explain, “We can continue putting in place thinly-veiled policy and legislation which makes everything much easier for rich people, but it would be much easier all round if everyone just accepted that rich people are better.”
“I think poor people probably know this already, but they’re just struggling to come to terms with it.”
“You also have to remember that this latest plan won’t remove university places for poor people. There will still be plenty of places left, just as long as there are no rich people that want them.”
Rich people are best
There has been significant backlash from lots of poor people who continue to insist they are the equal of rich people, despite knowing they could buy their house a hundred times over.
One poor person said, “What we need to ask is whether the country’s best educational opportunities should go to those people who are academically gifted enough to get them, or to someone whose father got lucky gambling with other people’s pension funds?”
“You’re going to say the gambler, aren’t you?”