Thursday 5 May 2011 By @JohnnyBeelzebub

Britain begins crucial vote for its favourite comedian


People across the UK have begun heading for their local polling stations in order to vote in the historic referendum to decide who is the nation’s favourite comedian.

Regional elections are also being held today, as are polls in local councils but the main question the public are being asked is whether they would like to vote Yes for Eddie Izzard or No in favour of Rik Mayall.

“It’s a tough decision,” admitted Marcus Harding from Bristol, “because Rik Mayall made me laugh so much when he played Alan B’Stard in ‘The New Statesmen’ and that’s the really important issue for me. ”

“But the truth is I’m also a huge fan of the wacky, offbeat style of Eddie Izzard, you know.”

“I mean, he’s so kooky and quirky and if I’m honest I like to think of myself that way too, so I think I’ll vote Yes for him.”

“I mean, I don’t know what his politics are but frankly – who the fuck cares?”

Protest vote

“I voted for Rik Mayall,” admitted Daily Mail reader Janet Wilkes, “but not because I actually like him.”

“No, I tend to make my judgements on what I hate, you see, and there’s little that I detest more than those queens that dolls themselves up in drag like that Eddie bloody Izzard.”

“So, with the very future of our country is at stake, I voted No,” Mrs Wilkes continued.

“But only in protest against Izzard’s filthy perversion. And because I’m jealous of his lashes.”

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