Tuesday 3 May 2011 by Spacey

William and Kate start first day that begins with the letter ‘T’ as a married couple


With the World’s newspapers and magazines keen to fill their pages with details of what the Royal newlyweds may or may not be doing, we decided to join the the bandwagon of speculation surrounding how the the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge will spend their first Tuesday as a married couple.

Tuesday might hold some tough challenges for William if he enters the bathroom shortly after his new bride. He may find himself confronted with the odour of human faeces and an air freshener that doesn’t eliminate the smell, but instead just mingles with it.

“This could be the first test of their relationship” explains our Royal expert Gabrielle Rose.

“A lavender shitbomb is something that you can almost taste, and it has caused damage to countless relationships. It should show the depths of William’s feelings for his wife.”

Kate could be facing her own challenges as she adjusts to life with the future King of England.

If William was to drop his guts while in bed, and shove her head under the Royal duvet, how would she cope with her first Dutch oven as the Duchess of Cambridge?

“She may just laugh it off,” reveals Gabrielle. “But it will be interesting to watch her body language on their next Royal engagement together.”

Married bliss, probably

All married couples make mistakes, but will one of Kate’s be to assume that because William is a man, he must be good at DIY?

“Newlyweds setting up home together like to put their own stamp on their surroundings” explains DIY SOS host Nick Knowles. “But time and time again people find themselves out of their depth.

“My advice to William and Kate would be to get the professionals in before it’s too late. Having said that a DIY SOS Royal special would be nice”

The Royal couple look very much in love, and commentators are confident that their bond will remain undiminished.

But what hurdles will they have to overcome on their first Wednesday together as husband and wife?

Who will take control of the TV remote control? How will Kate react to the puddle of piss next to the toilet? What will William do when he returns home from a hard day flying helicopters to find his football programme collection and porn in a skip, and his lads room being turned into a nursery?

The World will watch with interest.

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