President Obama this morning launched an attack on gaudy television monstrosity Donald Trump, by asking for documentary evidence that his hair is both real, and of American origin.
As Trump continued to question the authenticity of Obama’s presidential status by suggesting he’s not clever enough to be in the White House, the President issued a stinging rebuke of his own.
Obama told the White House press corp, “If Donald Trump truly has nothing to hide, then let him show the public exactly what sits atop his head.”
“Anyone considering running for president must be open to the sort follicular scrutiny that I am subjecting him to.”
“There are a growing number of Americans that believe Donald Trump’s hair originated in an Eastern European laboratory, and it is up to him to convince us otherwise.”
“That hair is not American, I don’t mind if it’s Canadian or British or whatever. What concerns me most is that it may not even be human.”
Documentary evidence of Trump’s fringe
Donald Trump has responded the accusation, stating that any suggestion his hair is un-American is entirely absurd.
Trump told reporters, “This is ridiculous. My hair is as American as I am, if not more so. Most people have hair that is the genetic result of the efforts of just two Americans – at most – but mine is the result of teams of Americans and many years of research.”
Obama insisted words were meaningless, and that documentary evidence would be needed before the country could truly believe his hair is American.
The President continued, “I’m willing to forget about this whole issue if Mr Trump just shows a receipt to prove that the wig was bought on American soil and was produced from American livestock.”
“And of course, it would ease a lot of our concerns if it has the authenticity of the hallmark that says ‘US of Toupée’.”
Most Americans, however, remain less convinced of whereabouts of their President’s birthplace than they are of the whereabouts of Donald Trump’s hairline.