Wednesday 27 April 2011 by Spacey

Rich students not remotely arsed about increase in tuition fees


Students whose parents have a level of wealth that most people would struggle to comprehend have confirmed that they really couldn’t give less of a toss how much tuition fees are.

News that a number of Universities intend to charge the maximum fee of £9000 has caused many potential students to reconsider their options, but cash-happy teenagers at renowned toff shops Oxford and Cambridge have been eager to highlight that they aren’t in the least bit bothered.

“I don’t know what all the fuss is about,” revealed Tobias Monksley-Smythe, who is studying Philosophy, Politics, and Economics at Oxford.

“My father worked bloody hard to make sure I got the education and grades that will help me succeed. Plus my Godfather is MP for Lewes, so I’ve got a shoe-in for a job as his researcher.”

I can pay cash, right?

A spokesperson for the Department for Business, Innovation and Skills said, “Poorer, less important students should not be worried about fees because the evidence shows that most courses last in the region of three years, and three years is like forever!”

“Also you don’t have to pay the money straight away, a bit like with a credit card. And we all know that credit cards aren’t like real money.”

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