Tuesday 26 April 2011

Being fired from a giant weapon no longer as safe as first thought


After the tragic death of a 23 year-old human cannonball, safety campaigners have been quick to suggest that maybe being fired out of a giant weapon isn’t as safe as everyone first thought.

It is believed that the cause of the man’s death was a direct result of being fired from an over-sized piece of artillery usually associated with wars fought in Medieval Europe.

Safety First spokesperson Margaret Williams told us, “We would advise that loading yourself into a weapon of any description should ring a few alarm bells.”

“Historically speaking, the safety of the projectile being fired from a cannon is not high on the list of priorities for any cannon owner.”

“If anything, the projectile itself is designed to bang into stuff really hard.”

Human Cannon ball

The tragedy has been described as ‘inevitable’ by people with a basic understanding of physics, though some have suggested all is not as bad as it might immediately seem.

Circus proprietor Malcolm Davis said, “Though obviously sad, this is good news for the industry.  It’s pretty hard to pitch something as being incredibly dangerous when no-one ever gets hurt doing it.”

“If there’s one thing the UK’s paying public loves, it’s the possibility of seeing someone hurt themselves terribly right in front of their eyes.”

“I guarantee an entire nation of slack-jawed mouth-breathers will be seeking out their nearest circus as we speak. Box office will go through the roof, you just watch.”

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