Thursday 14 April 2011 by Spacey

You have communicated NHS reforms, that’s the problem, nurses tell Lansley


Nurses have reacted to Health Secretary Andrew Lansley’s assumption that nurses opposed to planned health reforms probably just dont get it, by telling him ‘we understand perfectly, that’s why we voted against you.’

Mr Lansley apologised to nurses for them being “too stupid” to understand the reforms after 96% of nurses gave the health secretary a vote of no confidence at yesterday’s Royal College of Nursing conference.

“We are taking the time to repeat that we are taking the time to pause, listen, reflect and engage enemy target. Scnell! Schnell! Die health service pigdog, achtu…….ahem.” he explained.

“The fact that only six of you get it, highlights what a bunch of Joeys you are.” he added before placing his tongue over his bottom teeth and saying “nnnuuummmmmmmnaaaaggnummm” and offering some limp-wristed hand waggles for added effect.

We definitely ‘get it’ claim nurses

Deputy prime minister Nick Clegg also went to extraordinary lengths to convince people that the proposed reforms were the best option by channelling the spirit of his dead grandfather, Dr Hugh Clegg, at a meeting with health charity workers.

“I think the reforms are a brilliant idea, and Nick’s doing a brilliant job, so stop picking on him.” he said before the Liberal Democrat leader collapsed.

Fortunately Prime minister David Cameron was on hand to loosen Mr Clegg’s tie and slap him around the face until he was unconscious.

The coalition insist that they have found a doctor who fully supports the reforms.

“I’m not a real doctor, I just say that to sound cool – like a blues musician or something,” revealed Secretary of State for Defence Dr Liam Fox.

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