Thursday 14 April 2011

Wine ponces faking it, finds survey


A new survey has suggested that wine ponces claiming they can definitely tell the difference between a £5 bottle and a £30 bottle are almost certainly making it up as they go along.

The blind test at the Edinburgh Science Festival saw 578 members of the public correctly identify the “cheap” or “expensive” wines only 50% of the time, pretty much guaranteeing that ‘la-de-da’ Hilary at number 47 is a complete fraud.

The survey concluded that most people are treating their wine like their clothes, and are paying mainly for the label they hope their friends will be impressed with, despite it making them look like an idiot.

Self-proclaimed wine ‘expert’ Rupert Montague told us, “Never underestimate the value in showing off at a dinner party with what looks like good wine.”

“Sure, you might be making it up as you go along, but you can pretty much guarantee they won’t know their Pinot Noir from their Shiraz – it’s a licence to boost your ego.”

“Memorise a few key phrases about the ‘grapes coming from the south side of the vineyard’ and ‘subtle yet zesty strawberry tones’ and away you go. No-one will be any the wiser.”

Wines are all the bloody same

Drinkers everywhere have insisted they ‘knew it!’, claiming that as far as there were concerned paying anything over a tenner for a bottle of wine should be made a criminal offence.

Regular drinker Mike Davies told us, “I always knew it was a rip off, which is why I only buy Tesco’s own brand wine called ‘Great with Chicken’ – even when we’re not having chicken.”

Lead researcher on the study, psychologist Professor Richard Wiseman said, “We’re not suggesting that wine ponces should stop buying ridiculously expensive wines, just that everyone should mock them mercilessly when they do.”

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