Thursday 14 April 2011 by Formelia Alberthine

Mass Migration only ruined by British society, insist immigrants


British society is the only thing ruining what is an otherwise perfectly pleasant place to come and take the blame for a country’s social and economic struggles, according to immigrants polled by pressure group, Liberty.

The poll was commissioned in the wake of Prime Minister David Cameron’s claim that immigrants systematically refuse to congregate at the cluttered bosom of Mother Britannia with their steadfast refusal to learn enough English to realise just how much their neighbours hate them.

A thousand immigrants, supposedly contributing to the erosion of British pastimes such as fish and chips by the seaside and urinating in the street, were asked what was the worst thing about living in Britain with all answering ‘British society’.

Immigrant Rajesh Sharma explained, “You know, we get that when we are given our three bed room semi-detached house and weekly citizen eclipsing allowances, it’s not really ‘free’.”

“Life among the British society is the debt that we pay.”

“We must be prepared for the most horrendous abuse from the nation when everything goes tits up on the job front, and shoulder the blame that would otherwise be directed at the government.”

“They come knocking at our doors instead saying oh ‘you take our jobs, you take our jobs,’ waving sticks and wanting to kill us.”

“But that’s not true. We don’t take your jobs, we just take the benefits paid for by taxes taken from you. That’s very different.”

Immigration debate

Liberty’s Shami Chakrabarti said the prime minister’s comments showed a misappropriation of accountability akin to blaming a family of squirrels for nibbling on the nuts that had been left out for them the night before.

She said, “It’s outrageous. He says that he wants immigrants to be more ‘British’ when they come here.”

“Yet he gets all angry when they arrive and abuse the benefits system – I mean, what could be more British than that?”

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