Wednesday 13 April 2011

Nurses to issue vote of no confidence in Fernando Torres


After eleven games and almost twelve hours without scoring a goal, the Royal College of Nursing Congress has been moved to issue a vote of no confident in Chelsea striker Fernando Torres.

The move comes after another dismal 45 minutes in the Champions League semi-final against Manchester United, during which the struggling Spaniard looked like he’s struggle to score with Rooney’s hooker.

A nursing spokesperson said, “Enough is enough, we listened to his weaselly words when he got the position, but he’s done nothing but let us down.”

“How can we survive long term on no goals whatsoever? We all expected a cut, we’re realists after all, but this is just ridiculous.”

“We’ve been left with no choice but issue a vote of no confidence in him, and the sooner he’s gone, the better.”

Torres no-confidence vote

Chelsea have defended the beleaguered forward, explaining that whoever was up front at this time would be forced to make do with the same meagre resources.

A club spokesperson said, “The problems facing Torres are from the years of chronic over-spending during the previous regime, and now we’re paying for it.”

“We have a bloated expensively-assembled squad, and Fernando Torres is suffering because of that.”

“I hope the nurses congress can understand that by making Torres get by on fewer chances we’re creating a leaner, more efficient striker that will help the club longer term.”

“That makes sense, right?”

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