Wednesday 13 April 2011 by Gary Stanton

Brookside’s Terry to be charged with reinforcing stereotype la


Former Brookside actor Brian Regan, otherwise known as ‘Te’, is to be charged by Merseyside police after a stereotype was reinforced during the early hours of February 24th this year.

Police were called to an incident in the Aigburth district of Liverpool after three moustachioed men in sportswear were overheard telling each other to ‘calm down’ outside an ‘alehouse’ before a series of gunshots was heard.

Witnesses claim the shots were accompanied by some theme music and the name of the executive producer.

The argument is believed to have started when the chief suspect conformed to a lazy caricature by looking at one of the other men in the ‘wrong’ way, after he consumed a large batch of street heroin supplied by a vengeful drug gang’s influential lesbian hench-woman.

In a sub plot, a second man, ‘Ga’, has been accused of addressing complex social issues in a groundbreaking way, via the medium of kicking someone’s head due to a further argument about The Beatles and Cilla Black’s lack of support for the striking dock workers.

Brookside’s Terry on stereotype charge

Wiping half a pint of spittle from his chin, Phil Bryne , Head of Merseyside Police, told us, “This great city of ours, the best in the world my mate, has made fantastic strides in combating these stereotypes in recent years and so I’m dead dead pissed off to see a return to this sort of hackneyed behaviour from our Te’ , our kid.”

He added, “What the fuck are you looking at soft lad?”

Bryne then took three steps forward before yelling, “Come ‘ead then!”

Terry last night told youse via his solicitor that he didn’t do dat stereotype ‘ting dough did he, insisting that he was, in fact, ‘sound as a pound la’.

After which he placed his fist in his mouth before rolling his eyes skyward.

Meanwhile, the investigation is likely to face severe delays after a call for ID parade volunteers seeking as irascible men with curly hair, a caterpillar on their top lip and a fucking big chip on their shoulder was answered by over 400,000 Liverpudlians.

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