Tuesday 12 April 2011 by Gary Stanton

We’ve got stacks of them in the canteen, Oxford tells Cameron


Oxford University sought to head off a race row with PM David Cameron last night, after he drew attention to what he called ‘the small number of ethnics’ to be found on campus.

The University today confirmed that while only a tiny proportion of blacks had been offered places on courses, there were stacks of them working happily in the canteen, often raising the roof with their joyous songs.

The Prime Minister , who was speaking at a Question and Answer session, recalled fondly his time at Oxford, but touched on the difficulties he had as a student in finding somebody from an ethnic background to reliably polish his shoes.

Hoping to spark a debate of some sort the PM said, “I saw figures the other day that showed in the last academic year, only one coloured – can you still say ‘coloured’ – was employed by Magdalen college as a gardener.”

“I think that is disgraceful. We have got to do better than that.”

Black students at Oxford

But Andrew White, Professor of Aryan Studies at Magdalen College, rejected Cameron’s criticism, “It’s simply untrue to say that black people are underrepresented here.”

“In addition to the catering staff, we have a good number carrying out important research into cleaning duties , usually on a nine-to-five basis but with some shift work expected.”

“And it’s a good six years since we’ve had what you might describe as a traditional lynching. In that sense.”

Meanwhile, a Downing Street spokesperson said the government should probably get around to doing something about entrenched academic apartheid – unofficial Oxford policy since , ooh , years ago.

“The PM believes that being really good at sport and having a natural sense of rhythm should be no bar to academic progress.”

“And I think the Prime Minister’s extensive collection of Boney M albums is testament to the fact that he is not a racist.”

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