Tuesday 12 April 2011

Engaged couples urged to look out for sham vicars


Couples looking to get married have been warned to look out for sham vicars who are regularly claiming that they act on the behalf an invisible man in the sky who has amazing magic powers.

The warning comes after hundreds of couples found themselves married and conducting a life under the watchful eye of the ‘God’ the vicars had insisted was definitely there.

Newly-wed Shane Michaels told us, “It’s like they’re threatening you, you know – with all that ‘He’s got his eye on you’ stuff – what sort of way is that to start a life together?”

“We came here for legal reasons, not to be subjected to the sort intense psychological abuse these sham vicars are intent on.  Sin? Eternity in Hell? What’s all that about?”

“But like every good conman his argument started to fall apart the moment we asked for evidence of his claims.  He seemed quite annoyed we even wanted any.”

“He got very evasive and started talking about ‘faith’ and stuff like that.  Arthur Daley would have been proud.”

Sham Vicars conducting ‘Marriages’

The authorities are now going back through the records to find further couples who might have been married by sham vicars, in the hope of bringing peace of mind to those still suffering the effects.

One such newlywed is Emma Tennant, who told us, “Yes, we had one of those sham vicars conduct our ceremony, and I’ve not been able to go to the toilet with the lights on since that day in case He’s watching me.”

“Why couldn’t they just do their job and give us a legally binding marriage contract without all that pretend magic stuff, would that really be so hard?”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: