Friday 8 April 2011 by Spacey

Grand National organisers to end cruelty by destroying horses before race


The Grand National

Organisers of the Aintree Grand National have shown their commitment to ensuring that no horses suffer during the National Hunt horse race by revealing that they intend to destroy all the horses before the race starts.

The world famous race is a heart-stopping, leg-breaking 4 miles 856 yards long, and contains fences of such severity that it would take a team of office workers on a team building exercise several days and a large ladder to negotiate them.

Aintree spokesperson Charlie Hopkins told us, “We looked at the statistics, and in light of the number of equine deaths that have occured in the race over the years, it seemed fairer to destroy the horses before the race rather than run them to exhaustion first.”

“After all, the horses are our primary consideration.  Well, after the gate receipts, sponsorship, television rights and gambling revenues.”

Grand National

Hopkins was keen to add that just because the race itself won’t feature any competitors, the event will still provide sweepstake fun for everyone.

“We’ll be fitting each horse with a heart moniter, so people can still place bets on which horses will die either first, or last.”

“Bookies will pay out on an each-way bet if your horse is among the last four to be shot through the head with a bolt gun.”

Coverage of the equine genocide will be broadcast live on BBC TV, HD and Radio 5 live with commentary by Rolf Harris accompanied by a haunting sax solo.

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