Wednesday 6 April 2011 by Formelia Alberthine

Pre-pregnancy genetic tests could call time on bald people, claim critics


Genetic tests that can detect debilitating conditions which can be passed on to future generations could call time on bald people, critics suggest.

A governmental advisory body said that pre-pregnancy tests should be more widely available to couples, particularly those where the male displays the kind of follicular shortcoming known to precipitate a life of derision, depression and multiple suicide attempts.

Critics of Eugenics say they fear such ‘selective breeding’ could bring about an abrupt end to one of the few remaining ‘ism’s’ that people are happy to take part in.

Deidre Sharpe, spokeswoman for anti-Eugenics group NoGen revealed her concern that people may start targetting other sections of society to make up for a short fall in bald people walking the street.

She told reporters, “I dread to think what this could lead to. To at a stroke, give couples the chance to determine whether it will be ‘like father like son’ in the baldness stakes has serious implications for all those sections of society currently sheltered from daily abuse thanks to readily accessible bald people.”

“I mean, what about the fatties? They think they have it bad now, but you take away enough of those glistening pates from the lexicon of human biology and they are going to find themselves the go-to for people eager to re-emphasise to them just how useless they really are.”

“And Rightly so.”

Pre-pregnancy genetic tests

Ms Sharpe went on to say that NoGen would be pushing for the government to ensure there was a cap placed on the number of foetuses aborted that show a high probability of a life of unmitigated baldness.

“We simply will not stand for ‘baldism’ falling by the way-side just like that.”

“A percentage of all newborns should show signs of impending baldness.”

“We need to maintain the status quo.”

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