Monday 4 April 2011

Kids are shits, finds survey


Children Bad losers finds survey

A new survey has discovered that the nation’s children are completely insufferable and will often go bat-shit crazy if they don’t get their way about absolutely everything, all of the time.

The survey found that UK children find it hard to lose graciously at sport, often refusing to congratulate an opposing team which has just handed their asses to them on a plate.

One primary school teacher told us, “If my lot don’t win at everything they go all Wayne Rooney about the place.

“The first time you see an eight year old cry because he lost a game of football you find it quite endearing, but that stops as soon as he picks up a chair and throws it through the window.

“From that point on you dread anything other than a positive result, because the violence is slightly less sustained when they win.”

Children are ‘bad losers’

Parents have reacted with surprise that anyone would spend money trying to find out if children are bad losers, or not.

Mother of three Claire Morris told us, “I can only assume someone authorised spending money on this survey before anyone spoke to any of the several million parents in this country?

“I could have saved them a lot of time and effort by taking them to any Sunday morning little league game.  Kids are basically sociopathic shits, and I include my own in that.”

Father of two Shane James said, “Kids are bad losers, yes. So what? The day my six year old starts reacting to a loss at Wii Sports by saying, ‘never mind, it was the taking part that counts’ is the day I sell him to the Chinese.”

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