Monday 4 April 2011

Fulham owner Al-Fayed unveils statue of Lou Diamond Phillips


Fulham owner Mohammed Al-Fayed has shocked fans by installing a giant statue of actor Lou Diamond Phillips outside Craven Cottage.

The Egyptian business claimed the statue was in honour of the relationship Phillips has with the West London club after he once saw a television programme in which they were mentioned.

“Lou Diamond Phillips is a film icon, and Fulham fans love him. Yes they do, shut up!” Al-Fayed told reporters.

“La Bamba was an incredible movie, topped only by Young Guns II, and so I decided to have this statue commissioned to recognise his incredible talent.”

“Sure, I actually commissioned it as a gaudy attraction for my moron’s department store Harrods, but then I sold it – and I certainly wasn’t going to keep it at home, so outside a Fulham football club seemed the perfect place for it.”

“If the fans don’t like it, they can go to Hell – Lou Diamond Phillips never did anything to them, and as far as I know he never had an entirely inappropriate relationship with a child.”

Fulham statue unveiled

Fans have been left upset by the statue, insisting Lou Diamond Phillips is about as relevant to the club as a dead pop star who once went to a see a game there.

Season ticket holder Dave Williams told us, “Yuri Geller has been to a couple of games, why not have a statue of him?”

“Lou Diamond Phillips might be a great actor, and I’m a big fan of his portrayal of Ritchie Valens in biopic La Bamba, but what has that got to do with Fulham football club?”

“Al-Fayed is making us a laughing stock, he might as well have put up a statue of Myra Hindley or some other child molester.”

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