Thursday 31 March 2011

Cuts will see Bobby sightings drop from ‘extremely rare’ to ‘never’, warn police


Bobbies on the Bear threatened by budget cuts

Government budget cuts across the Police system will see public sightings of ‘bobbies on the beat’ fall from ‘extremely rare’ to ‘never’, according to police officials.

Police budgets are being cut 20% over the next four years, with all constabularies insisting this will have a direct impact on the sort of front line policing that you never see anyway.

A spokesperson said, “The sight of a policeman or policewoman walking the beat is an incredibly reassuring one – for the two or three people a year that witness it.”

“These dramatic cuts will deprive those extremely lucky few people of the security associated with seeing the police wandering about looking authoritative.”

“Sightings of police officers on the beat are a national institution, and as such are revered as highly as sightings of Santa, or Jesus – and now the government is going to remove the admittedly tiny chance of you experiencing it yourself.”

Police cuts

Members of the public are unhappy at the cuts, insisting that seeing a Bobby on the beat is one of those lifetime ambitions they have yet to fulfil.

Karen Williams told us, “I saw a policeman walking on the street once, he was going past the chip shop. No-one believed me, obviously, but I definitely saw him. Definitely”

Mike Chappel added, “Yeah, I thought I saw one once too, but it turns out it was just a plasterer on his way to a fancy dress party.”

“He looked at me funny and said that the police hadn’t dressed like that since the 1920s.  How the hell would I know that?”

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