Wednesday 30 March 2011 by @johnnybeelzebub

Clooney and Ronaldo to perform ‘You can’t handle the truth’ at Berlusconi trial


After being named as witnesses for the trial of Silvio Berlusconi, George Clooney and Christian Ronaldo will use the opportunity to give their rendition of the ‘You can’t handle the truth’ scene from the film A Few Good Men.

Both Clooney and Ronaldo are often described as two of the greatest actors in their respective fields and bringing them together in a single project had always looked unlikely.

However the ‘Bunga-Bunga’ trial of the Italian Prime Minister has provided that opportunity, and Hollywood is abuzz at the news of having two of the all-time make-believe greats brought together to re-enact the most iconic courtroom scene.

“It’s like having De Nero and Pacino together all over again,” LA insider Jacqui Cole explained.

“Only these guys can really act, not just play the same role for all eternity.”

“Plus both of them will provide a bit of eye candy for us ladies too, but they may find a bit of dent to their egos playing second fiddle to Silvio on that front.”

“It sad for them but I think that even they can accept that Hollywood heart throbs and football legends just aren’t capable of harnessing as much raw sex appeal as the average Italian septuagenarian.”

Clooney at Berlusconi trial

Clooney flew to Madrid yesterday afternoon upon hearing the news, and the pair are already preparing for their first public performance, which could be as early as April 6th.

“I couldn’t wait, I’m such a big fan,” Clooney announced. “I mean Ronnie can portray pain and petulance like no one else in the business so it’s great to finally make his acquaintance.”

“And it’s perfect that he is taking on Tom Cruise’s Lt Kaffee for the scene because Cristiano Ronaldo is very much the Tom Cruise of our time.”

“I mean, think about it – the cheesy smiles, melodramatic over-acting, the persistent rumours about their sexuality. If he was a foot shorter they could be brothers.”

“And I get to play Col Jessep, obviously. When Ronnie turns to me asking if I know anything about Berlusconi sleeping with underage girls, I’ll just say ‘You want answers?’, Ronnie will snap back ‘I want the truth!’, and that’s when I get to roar the immortal line ‘YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!'”

“The judges will then tell the jury to scrap everything that they heard, and that any resemblance to any persons living or dead is purely coincidental, and that they should only find Mr Berlusconi guilty because of the fact that he definitely is.”

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