Tuesday 29 March 2011 by Matt Howes

Scottish football fans deny allegations of fruit possession


The world of Scottish football was reeling yesterday as fans were forced to deny accusations that they were in possession of fresh fruit during Sunday’s Scotland v Brazil friendly.

There are allegations that the fresh banana that was thrown at Brazilian striker Neymar came from Scottish fans with a keen eye on their daily nutrition intake.

“This is ludicrous,” said Scottish fan Davie Grieg, “as if any Scotsman would buy a piece of fruit, even a starchy one.”

“And if he did, can you imagine him wasting his money by throwing it at some poncey Brazilian? Even one with a really bad haircut?”, he added.

Scottish FA racism allegation

SFA spokesman Russell Donald agreed, telling reporters, “If it had been a deep fried battered packet of lard, or something similarly vein clogging, a bit more in keeping with the traditional Scottish diet then I could understand it, but a banana?”

“No Scotsman would be seen dead with such a thing. What next? Salad?”

Mr Donald went on, “And as for the idea that racism was involved that is just plain daft.”

“Scottish football is renowned the world over for its sense of tolerance and fair play. Its all about ‘See You Jimmy Wigs’ and comedy Tam O’Shanters, not bigotry.”

“Going to any Celtic and Rangers game will tell you that. The message is one of brotherly love – and not the horror show of violence and sectarian chanting that the English media would have us all believe.”

“Not even Neil Lennon would sink to those depths.”

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