Monday 28 March 2011 by @johnnybeelzebub

Chinese people should come with 18 certificate, finds BBC study


A poll conducted for BBC World Service has found that the current process of brainwashing people against China is working so well, that all coverage of Chinese people should carry an 18 certificate.

The survey was carried out to measure the success of scare tactics used by western governments against the world’s only remaining superpower, and found that almost a third of people now view the average Chinese person in the same light as Count Dracula, Freddie Krueger or a brain-eating body snatcher.

“The Chinese are the new Muslims,” declared BBC analyst Richard Donald. “Or so our governments keep telling us.”

“So we at the Beeb thought we’d find out just how scared of the Chinese everybody was, while filling even more people with fear by asking the question in the first place.”

“A lot of people didn’t know that being scared of the Chinese was even an option.”

“What we have found is that people are generally terrified of the emergence of a new superpower, but only when that new superpower isn’t them.”

Survey finds China ‘frightening’

Across all the countries surveyed, an average of 50% of people were not yet losing a lot of sleep about China, but a remarkable 33% reacted in a way that is usually reserved for the most most harrowing scenes in a horror movie.

“It used to just be their food that scared me,” confessed Ellen Williamson.

“But now just seeing them on the TV makes me jump behind the couch and unleash a blood curdling scream.”

“I’ll stop for a bit when I run out of breath or the kids start crying too, though I still won’t come out until the newsreader has told me that it’s safe.”

“What scares me most, however, is that this thing was conducted by the BBC,” she added, “and that they might be turning into the Daily Mail.”

BBC reports featuring Chinese people will now be preceded by a warning that viewers may find the following scenes disturbing.

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