Tuesday 22 March 2011 by Spacey

Richard Littlejohn exposes dead grandfather-in-law as bigger cunt than he is


Richard Littlejohn has used his Daily Mail column to reveal that if you think he’s a cunt then you should have met his dead grandfather-in-law.

Littlejohn informed readers that his grandfather-in-law, Harry ‘the bastard’ Tuck would have felt no sympathy for the Japanese people who have been devastated by the recent earthquake and tsunami disaster.

He told readers, “My wife’s late grandfather would never have joined a minutes silence for Japan.”

“He would have made a point of reminding everyone that today’s children should pay the consequences of their great-grandfather’s actions, while he banged a big drum, wore a clowns outfit and honked a horn with his big shoes.”

“A Japanese soldier was incredibly cruel to him seventy years ago, so he wouldn’t shed a tear for the thousands of innocents dying over there now – we should all remember that.”

Littlejohn does Japan

The columnist, famous for his right wing views, also explained how his wife’s grandfather had contacted him from beyond the grave and had given him full permission to use his name to spout thoroughly unpleasant opinions.

Littlejohn said, “I was eating some Alphabetti spaghetti, and when I looked down I saw the sentence ‘bloody japs, they’re all the same, grrrr, you must avenge my suffering with a mean-spirited tabloid column, cheers Harry’ right there on the toast.”

“There was some more stuff, but it was drowned out by the unnecessary use of ketchup with an already tomato-infused food.”

A number of war veterans have contacted us, and despite having died some years ago gave us permission to give their thoughts on the matter.

“If it is true that children should suffer the consequences of their great grandfather’s actions, then I would assume that Mr Littlejohn’s as-yet unborn great grandchildren are completely fucked,” revealed one.

Tell the world that you’re not a Daily Mail reader

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: