Monday 21 March 2011 by Gary Stanton

Gaddafi to shelve plans for kitchen extension


Colonel Mummar Gaddafi is to put on hold plans to revamp his kitchen area with a massive yet tasteful extension, according to reports.

Work was scheduled to start on the ten-metre extension on Friday, but builders are said to have walked off the job after allied jets targeted a nearby fishpond.

Gaddafi is known to favour a funky open plan kitchen space with adjoining dining area which will enable him to casually intimidate guests while knocking up a variety of fusion dishes.

However, the tyrant’s plans have already been held up once after a builder known as ‘Steve’ told him he would require planning permission and that the supporting wall lacked a proper RSJ.

Builders then took umbrage when Gaddafi informed them that, in light of the latest UN resolution, the plans had changed and that his new design incorporated a twenty metre thick wall of reinforced concrete, but he was willing to compromise on the Aga if it meant a swift turnaround.

Gaddafi building plans

Builder Steve said, “In my humble opinion the Colonel is being too hasty. Regardless of the thickness of the perimeter wall, without an RSJ the whole lot could come down. “

And Steve was said to be furious after Gaddafi informed him at the very last minute that the new location for the kitchen is to be thirty metres underground and connected to the existing house via a narrow passageway.

Gaddafi, meanwhile, accused Steve and his team of dithering and warned them not to try his patience. But Steve insists the job can’t be rushed.

“The thing about subterranean kitchens is that they tend to offer very little in terms of natural light. And as for fitting an extractor fan – well, it’s an absolute nightmare to be honest.”

Last night, the UN claimed that Gaddafi’s kitchen was a legitimate target although the intention was not to ruin any dinner parties by killing all of the guests or the host.

UN Secretary General Ban Ki Moon said, “The intention is merely to protect the Libyan people from a poorly ventilated kitchen area and the build up of hazardous gases.”

“And if you ask me, the whole design is flawed anyway. The whole idea of having the breakfast bar coming off at right angles belongs back in the seventies.”

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