Wednesday 16 March 2011

Hull retaining sense of perspective


Upon hearing that Hull is the only UK city not to receive a single application for a Royal Wedding street party, people everywhere have started believing that it must be a wonderful place to live.

The Royal Wedding on 29th April will see millions of people use the bank holiday they’ve been given to hold street parties for people they don’t know, instead of enjoying themselves.  Except in Hull.

Hull residents have explained the lack of street parties by simply explaining they’re not morons.

Simon Davis told us, “Sure, they went some way to buying the nation’s affection by giving us a day off, but they’re just taking it all back if they expect us to spend it on a British council estate waving a plastic flag made in China whilst in all probability getting rained on.”

“I think I’ll spend it in the pub, thank you.”

Hull not having street parties

Those living outside Hull have suggested residents of the city are missing out on all the fun associated with spending the day outside eating food that will probably have been bought in Iceland.

Royalist Margaret Smythe told us, “If they don’t want to join in all the compulsory fun we’ll be forcing everything to enjoy, then so be it.”

“I guess royal families have been smashing bottles off various hull’s for years, so maybe this is some sort of payback?”

Basingstoke resident Mike Jones told us, “Hull sounds absolutely wonderful. Like an oasis of sanity surrounded by a sea of simpletons.”

“If you tell me they don’t get ITV1 either then I’m packing the car up and heading there right now.”

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