Thursday 10 March 2011

NUS offers to help control Police protests


The National Union of Students has this morning offered free use of the considerable resources at its disposal to help control the impending police protests against cuts to their budgets.

Police are threatening ‘mass demonstrations’ in the run up to the royal wedding next month in protest against cuts which could see tens of thousands of police worse off by up to £4,000 per year, leaving the government open to offers on who should police such a protest.

NUS President Aaron Porter told us, “We absolutely defend the Police’s right to protest, just as we did – and given the opportunity we would obviously grant them the freedom to experience what front-line protesting in this country really feels like.”

“All we’d need is a couple of dozen horses and as many sticks and bats as you can lay your hands on – for everyone’s safety, obviously.  Oh, and if you’ve got some of that pepper spray stuff then even better.”

“Also, if the police could start their protest some time after eleven that would help enormously with turn-out at our end.”

Police to protest over budget cuts

The police have received overwhelming support for their plans among student groups across the country.

Reading University student Simon Williams told us, “I imagine the police are really up for this, especially after spending all that time standing side by side in solidarity with all the other groups facing cuts in the last few months.”

“People don’t forget things like that, and I’m sure that now they themselves have been hit by austerity measures all of those who’ve experienced police assistance first hand will want to give them their full support.”

“Me? Well, I’ve nearly finished Kettling for Dummies, so I’m about ready to take charge of my own ‘Student Safety Enforcement Unit’.  Bring it on.”

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