Tuesday 8 March 2011

British Legion to launch new range of highly-flammable poppies


The Royal British Legion is to target the lucrative Islamic fundamentalist market by releasing a range of highly flammable poppies in time for this year’s Remembrance Day celebrations.

The move comes after Emdadur Choudhury was fined £50 for burning three over-sized poppies at last year’s Armistice Day parade in West London, a protest which raised barely five pounds for the Legion’s fund.

A British Legion spokesperson said, “We would say to all Muslim Fundamentalists who see dead British soldiers as a cause for celebration, why burn only three poppies?”

“If you really want to celebrate, you should burn twenty, or maybe fifty poppies. We would encourage each of them to dig deep and spend big on making the sort of protest they can be truly proud of.”

“This year’s quite-expensive flammable poppies will allow you to make your protest burn with all the righteous indignation it deserves as all seven of you stand behind that tiny police presence miles from where the parade actually is.”

“Sure, they cost a bit more, but they go up in flames brilliantly so you don’t have to worry about the embarrassment of having a poppy that just smoulders during your pre-arranged photo opportunity.”

Poppy burner fined £50

Supporters of the British Legion have said they have mixed feelings about the new scheme.

Retired soldier Mike Williams told us, “You know, I don’t like that he burned a few poppies, but I take comfort from the fact that despite hating everything we stand for, he’s still perfectly happy supporting the charity – financially speaking.”

“I suppose it’s a bit like protesting bankers’ bonuses by taking out a hundred pounds and setting fire to it.  It’s poorly thought through, and highly lucrative for the people you’re protesting about.”

“So I guess my message to Emdadur Choudhury and his friends is ‘keep on burning poppies’, and thanks for the cash.”

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