Monday 7 March 2011 by Matt Howes

Morgan to replace Pietersen as England’s Guest Foreigner


The England cricket team have called up Irishman Eoin Morgan to replace South African Kevin Pietersen in the crucial ‘foreign carpet bagger’ role for the remainder of the ICC Cricket World Cup.

The move follows Pietersen’s decision to return home for an operation on his herniated ego prior to the start of the lucrative IPL next month.

A representative from England’s Management team said yesterday, “We respect KP’s decision to prioritise the IPL.”

“Making huge amounts of money playing in a hit and hope competition watched by people with the attention span of a Next Top Model contestant is far more important than playing for England in the World Cup.”

“I mean, it’s not like he’s really even English or anything.”

Pietersen withdraw from World Cup squad

Dubliner Morgan is seen as the ideal replacement for Pietersen in that he isn’t remotely English and is liable to get himself out at any time playing a rash shot that he completely made up only a few seconds before.

As one member of England’s 197 strong coaching team revealed, “Once Eion inflates his ego up to the Jupiter-size proportions of KP we could have a real winner on our hands.”

“If he could just start believing he’s a lot better than he actually is he could easily become English Cricket’s answer to Michael Flatley, or Bono.”

South African born Captain Andrew Strauss and Zimbabwean Team Manager Andy Flower are believed to be considering rebranding the England Cricket Team as ‘The Former British Empire All-Stars‘.

Although it is understood that Johanesburg born Wicket-keeper Matt Prior and Cape Town born batsman Jonathan Trott prefer the name ‘South Africa B‘.

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