Wednesday 2 March 2011 by Brump

Syndicate of African nations to grant aid to struggling United Kingdom


A number of generous African countries have offered to provide financial aid to the struggling United Kingdom after learning of the financial difficulties facing the once affluent island.

A group of African countries comprising of Rwanda, Mozambique and Malawi were said to have been distressed by the news that the UK had to retract its offer of aid to neighbouring African states Niger and Burundi.

An elected spokesman for the group of selfless humanitarians declared his disgust that Niger and Burundi, two of the world’s poorest countries, continued to accept aid from the British Government after it was hit so hard in the global financial crisis.

He told reporters, “Residents of Burundi were given a huge increase in the amount of tax they received per person, through the Hutu-Tutsi massacres of the 1990’s.”

“With such a reduction in the number of mouths that need feeding I am astounded at the gall of those who thoughtlessly take from this once great nation.”

Financial Aid

Burundi residents took time out of their daily walk to the water hole to give us their feelings.

Munim Abala told us, “Many middle aged Britons are cumbersome sacks of fat, and without access to a personal trainer, they are likely to develop heart disease in their late sixties. We all just felt we had to lend a hand.”

“A few of my friends and I lost our fathers last year in an outbreak of cholera so we thought with the extra grains of rice we had lying around we could help a Buckinghamshire couple provide a risotto for their dinner guests.”

We caught up with that Buckinghamshire couple, who told us that whilst they appreciated the gesture, it appears that the Burundi residents were unaware of the necessity of Arborio rice in a risotto.

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