Wednesday 2 March 2011 by Formelia Alberthine

Camelot refused permission to give non-gamblers the thrill of perpetual weekly losses


National Lottery operator Camelot has been refused permission to give non-gamblers the thrilling experience of helplessly throwing their money away on a regular basis whilst trying to pay bills or top up mobile phones.

The National Lottery Commission (NLC) said it had ‘serious concerns’ that those too sensible to believe they had any chance of hitting a fourteen million-to-one shot would be clogging up gambling opportunities for people whose wide-eyed desperation was only outstripped by their commitment to twice-weekly disappointment.

Camelot had argued that the proposed scheme would in fact raise more money by taking cash from people and pushing them closer to the poverty line before giving them some of it back via the charities it supports.

Camelot spokesman Paul Trot said that common decent folk rarely complained about the daylight robbery that occurs every Wednesday and Saturday, believing this indicated there was scope to trot out a similarly profitable enterprise across the remaining five scam-free days of the week.

Camelot refused bill payer facility

“The NLC have really missed a trick here,” said Trot.

“Not only would paying your bills at a Lottery terminal allow people to fully experience the futility of buying your weekly ticket for the big draw, it would also open up a new layer of revenue-extraction where we wouldn’t even have to schedule a weekly draw.”

“The money would have just rolled in.”

“It would have been the equivalent of those of us who run Camelot getting six numbers AND the bonus ball.”

Regular Lottery player Sheila Mint was aghast at the prospect of having her weekly fix obstructed by bill payers.

“I always thought the lottery was for people who aren’t rich enough to pay their bills?”

“Snobs.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: