Tuesday 1 March 2011 by Spacey

Kids are shit, says Lumley


Joanna Lumley has insisted that young children are utterly shit and should be sent into fields for days at a time with nothing but a few goats to keep them company in order to teach them some responsibility.

The outburst by the Absolutely Fabulous star has been met with shock by every single person in the country with reports that some people have been so traumatised that they have lost the use of their legs.

Lumley didn’t stop at insisting children should become goat farmers, and went on to suggest that schoolchildren should be shut in a big metal box with the word ‘Useless’ written on it.

“All children are scum,” claimed the actress. “Shoplifting, litter-dropping, plagiarist, lazy, sub-human scum.”

“I should know, I’ve met some of them.” she went on.

Lumley criticises children

Lumley went on to criticise children for regularly displaying the sort of moral-free behaviour she spent several years exhibiting on television as character Patsy Stone.

She continued, “Children should be banned from schools because schools are for people that want to learn, and all kids nowadays want to do is play on sexbox’s and sniff crack.”

“Even when they can be bothered to go to school they just learn how to mug old ladies and go joyriding.”

“Slaughter them at birth I say.”

“The wankers.”

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