Monday 28 February 2011

World’s media pays tribute to best players of make believe


The world’s media has once again paid tribute to those grown adults who have proven themselves to be the best at playing that game most children grow out of by the time they’re ten.

At a lavish ceremony in Hollywood experts celebrated those people who pretend to be other people by dressing up, changing their hairstyle and sometimes doing an accent.

The top awards went to Colin Firth who got to dress up like a King for a bit and to pretend like he couldn’t talk properly, and Natalie Portman who got to dress up and pretend to be a ballerina, something she’s not been able to do since she was six.

Firth said, “It’s a great honour to be recognised for my ability to wear a series of hats and to do my Ronnie Barker Arkright impression.”

Portman began her speech by saying, “Playing make believe as a ballerina is every small girl’s dream, until they get to about nine.  So this is for all the girls out there who are eight or younger.”

Experts have claimed this year’s winners are probably the best for at least twelve months, with Vanity Fair correspondent Michael Williams saying, “I find it difficult to comprehend how grown men and women can be so incredibly good at doing that thing I used to do when I was seven.”

Oscars 2011

Highlights of this year’s ceremony included:

  • Christian Bale threatening to go all ‘Charlie Sheen’ on the Academy’s ass, before realising he’d actually won
  • James Franco insisting he would cut off his arm ‘for realsies’ if he didn’t get the best actor award for 127 hours
  • Kevin Spacey starting the slow hand clap during the tedious foreign film bit
  • Nicole Kidman insisting she deserves an Oscar for spending ten years pretending to be in a heterosexual relationship with Tom Cruise
  • Aaron Sorkin using his best screenplay speech to tell everyone he prefers Twitter
  • Leonardo Di Caprio getting drunk and telling anyone who would listen, “I was asleep the whole time!”
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