Friday 25 February 2011 by Spacey

Nation braces itself for outbreaks of heavy bullshit as GDP is revised down


Outbreaks of heavy bullshit have been forecast over much of the country after news that the UK economy shrank by 0.1% more than previously thought during the last three months of 2010.

Forecasters have warned that increasing shit showers of ‘We’re all in this together’ combined with high speed winds of ‘the previous government’s legacy’ will create Big Society shit drifts that will make it impossible for people to get to work.

Scattered outbreaks of mild bullshit are expected to hit even the most remote areas with limited access to media coverage of the latest GDP results.

With no end in sight, forecasters have warned that the country could be in deep shit for quite some time to come.

“It looks pretty bleak,” revealed BBC weatherman Matt Taylor.

“If you thought that the snow had an adverse effect on the economy then that’s nothing compared to the heavy shit we’re about to experience.”

GDP growth revised down 0.1%

Fears that the country is about to be hit by the heaviest bullshit since records began have prompted many people to take appropriate precautions.

One London resident told us, “We just don’t have the infrastructure to cope with this amount of bullshit.  I remember the post-Iraq bullshit hurricanes of 2004, but they were nothing compared to what we’re seeing develop on the horizon.”

“I’ve got a case of whisky, a case of vodka and a family-sized bag of Monster Munch. I’m locking the door, I’m closing the curtains and I’m not coming out.”

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