Wednesday 23 February 2011

Divorce to become even more deeply unpleasant


Under new government proposals, couples wishing to end their marriage will be forced to sit through several deeply unpleasant meetings with the person they now despise before they can be granted a divorce.

Justice minister Jonathan Djanogly said mediation was “a cheaper and more deeply unpleasant alternative” to the over-worked family courts in which divorcing couples can completely ignore each other if they want to.

Marriage expert Lucy Williams told us, “When two people want to get a divorce the last thing you should do is sit them in the same room as each other and ask for their ‘opinions’ and ‘feelings’ about the situation.”

“To describe the ensuing language as industrial would not do it justice. I’ve sat in a few of these, and my vocabulary expands by a few expletives every time I do.”

“Let them trial it, by all means, but I give it ten minutes before the mediator calls it a day in floods of tears and sends them straight to a proper court.”

Mediation to be used in divorce cases

Divorced couples have reacted with surprise at the news, explaining their scepticism for the scheme.

Recently divorced David Hunt told us, “Asking divorcing couples to do stuff like ‘compromise’ is a bit late, don’t you think?”

Justice Minister Djangoly continued, “You have to remember it’s much cheaper than going to court, that’s a good thing, right?”

Separated Mike Gallagher who is in the early stages of his divorce proceedings told us, “It might work, I suppose.  Oh, you mean for me? No, not a chance.”

“I’d rather give everything I own to an over-priced divorce lawyer than let that bitch ever see a penny.”

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