Thursday 17 February 2011 by Formelia Alberthine

English footballing humiliation to remain free-to-air


The European General Court (EGC) has ruled that English football fans can continue to watch their distinctly-average International football team implode at major events on free-to-air television for the foreseeable future.

Fifa and Uefa had challenged a decision allowing the UK government to designate the World Cup and European Championships as free-to-watch events.

They had been hoping to empty supporters’ pockets before the English team moved in to compound their misery with an abject struggle in the group stages before a comprehensive dispatching in the first round of the knock out phase.

Both international cup competitions are on the UK list of ‘protected’ events, but the international footballing bodies argued that there was absolutely no feasible reason for them not to extract every iota of cash available to them from gullible football supporters.

World Cup to remain free-to-air

Fifa spokesman Arvand Millibut said the ruling left him feeling like he had just had the clearest of goals disallowed.

“We are sick, sick to back teeth of both this ruling, and the English. How dare they expect to take advantage of the wonderful product they created for free.”

“Why? Why should they get it for free? The only things in this life that come for free are disease and the crass victimisation of sporting teams which Fifa doesn’t want to see winning.”

“Like those who aren’t sponsored by Nike or Adidas for example.”

“Its not like we asked for a brown envelope or anything. That avenue was exhausted long ago.”

FA spokesperson David Bernstein said he was more than satisfied at the UK being given the opportunity to plunge its collective fingers in the corruption friendly eye of FIFA.

“What a day this is, we have finally won something FIFA didn’t want us to.”

“We have just had a trophy delivered to the FA offices, and the presentation is due to start shortly.”

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