Tuesday 15 February 2011

Old people just a load of grasses, claims NHS


NHS Elderly Care

Old people can’t be trusted and will squeal for the pigs at the first sign of pressure, the NHS told reporters this morning.

With a report published which shows that NHS is failing to care for the elderly with dignity and respect, the NHS has hit back saying that if old people know what’s good for them, they should learn to keep their saggy old mouths shut.

A former NHS enforcer told us, “Look, no-one likes a grass, and if they think this is going to help them then they’ve got¬†another think coming.”

“Everyone knows the first rule of care for the elderly – you don’t talk about care for the elderly.”

“What goes on in the NHS, stays in the NHS – or at least that’s always been the way, until now.”

“They’ve broken the unwritten rules, and for that they’ll have to pay.”

Elderly care on NHS

Over 400 complaints about elderly care were made to the Ombudsmen last year, showing that the NHS is doing a terrible job of keeping old people quiet.

Our ex-NHS enforcer told us, “There are lessons to be learnt here, certainly. Firstly, do a better job in discrediting those who are brave enough to squeal.”

“Simply adding the words ‘senile dementia’ to an old person’s chart is normally enough to stop any investigation in its tracks.”

“If that fails, go for the heavy sedation. ¬†Nobody every complained when they were in a chemically induced coma – at least not on my watch.”

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