Downing Street’s new rat-catcher, a four year-old tabby called Larry, is steadfastly refusing to release his grip on Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg.
The cat has been trained to attack any rat he sets his eyes on, and as such has spent the morning jumping at the Liberal Democrat leader despite efforts to prevent him from doing so.
A Downing Street spokesperson explained, “It’s not quite what we wanted, no. He’s actually ignoring the rats on the street in favour of Nick, which I’m sure will come as something of a shock to everyone – except those people who voted Lib Dem at the last election.”
“Nick is covered in deep red scratches, and our rodent problem is no better than it was yesterday.”
“It’s seems his training is more extensive than we’d been led to believe – he can spot a rat no matter how well dressed he is, or how big his office might be.”
Downing Street rat catcher
Larry is expected to retain his place in Downing Street, suggesting Clegg might dial into future cabinet meetings, or attend only in suitable protective clothing.
Geoffrey Matthews, a senior political analyst at Reid-Price told us, “This is a bit of a faux pas on the part of the government – did no-one think that maybe Larry would go straight for Nick Clegg’s jugular? It seems pretty obvious to me.”
“That said, he has been castrated so you’d imagine being completely devoid of bollocks would automatically make him a Liberal Democrat – apparently not.”