Tuesday 15 February 2011

Army apologises for using email to try and kill the Taliban


The army has apologised after unsuccessfully attempting to use its latest weapon of mass communication against the Taliban, including those on the front line in Afghanistan.

Recent trials using the electronic mail weapon showed it was successful in depleting front line numbers by as many people as it was sent to, however enemy trials have not gone as well as expected.

One army source told us, “Email has become such an efficient termination device, we thought we should try and use it on the Taliban.”

“We sent a series of messages like ‘bang bang you’re dead’ ‘Kaboom! now lie on the ground till we get there’ etc. But it seems emails are only devastating when used in friendly-fire incidents.”

“Who knew?”

Army fires soldiers by email

Armed forces minister Nick Harvey has apologised for unsuccessful attack on the enemy forces in Afghanistan.

He explained, “We’re always on the lookout for new devices which are capable of destroying enemy morale, and to be honest, finding this electronic mail one was a bit of an accident.”

“When we saw the effect it had on our troops, it was like a light came in our heads – imagine if we deployed this against the Taliban on a much bigger scale? They’d be completely disheartened in hours.”

“But we now see that this was a mistake.  We will go back to killing them in person as soon as we can.”

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