Monday 14 February 2011 by Gary Stanton

Rastamouse five times more likely to be stopped and searched than Fingermouse


Lovable crime-fighting rodent Rastamouse is far more likely to be stopped and searched than his low-budget Anglo Saxon counterpart Fingermouse, according to figures released today.

Together with his gang, Da Easy Crew, the creature has become a favourite amongst the nation’s under fives with his pledge to spread love and respect but the latest statistics are likely to provide a huge embarrassment to racists within The Met who are keen to play down accusations of racism.

Rastamouse, meanwhile, claims he has been stopped three times within the last month alone while attempting to ‘make a bad ting, good’ and believes he is the victim of an orchestrated campaign by a jealous police force.

A spokesperson for Rastamouse said, “They just want to put a stop to his crime-fighting activities because his one hundred percent success rate is making them look bad.”

Last night police hit back claiming they are merely responding to a series of ‘nuisance’ incidents after neighbours complained of loud reggae music, the distribution of a substance known as ‘cheese’, and that several electricity cables had been gnawed through.

Rastamouse racism row

Detective Sergeant Brian Thompson of the Met’s rodent division said, “Invariably when we arrive at a crime scene, Rastamouse or one of his crew are already there.”

“Now you might choose to call that a coincidence, but we never had these sorts of problems with Fingermouse.”

“OK, so Fingermouse played the odd musical instrument, but he did so quietly and kept himself to himself.”

“He never got mixed up in the whole gang culture thing, probably by virtue of being stuck on the end of somebody’s finger. Oh, and he was white. So if that makes me a racist, then so be it .”

Police, meanwhile, issued a description of an individual they are seeking in connection with an incident outside the Da Easy Crew’ Nuff Song recording studio in which a teenaged mouse received knife wounds to the bit that looks like a sock that’s been turned inside out.

The suspect is said to be around four inches tall, dark brown with a big red hat and carrying a guitar.

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