Melanie Phillips took an upper hand in the battle to become the Daily Mail’s most odious columnist by seeing Jan Moir’s suggestion that homosexuals can’t die naturally, and raising her a biblical stoning for all gays.
Phillips used her column to criticise the move to allow gays to marry in old buildings owned by men in frocks, insisting that the baby Jesus wants all gays stoned at birth.
“The Bible teaches us that marriage is between a penis and a vagina, it says it right there in Leviticus. Right after the bit about killing people who wear clothes made from two different threads.”
“People don’t look to the bible as much they should these days, I even got a few funny looks for trying to sell my daughter into slavery – even though I am perfectly entitled to do so according to Exodus 21:7 – yet the PC brigade insist on telling me this is ‘wrong’.”
“Who are they to tell me why I can’t live my life by the morals outlined in a two thousand year-old book that’s been the subject of many mistranslations and was mostly made up tin the first place?”
Melanie Phillips on gay marriages
Phillips’ latest column puts her a neck ahead of Jan Moir in the race to become the nation’s most spiteful old harridan, though experts expect Moir will not throw in the towel this early, and many suggest she will come back strong with her next move.
As one bile-analyst explained, “Melanie Phillips has put Jan Moir in a tough position alright, how do you top a biblical stoning of people you don’t like? She’s going to have to go a bit left-field to gain the lead in this one, definitely.”
“Though a little dickie-bird tells me she’s planning a stunning come-back with an article entitled, ‘Why God should only give cancer to the black babies’.”