Thursday 10 February 2011

Machine productivity to nose-dive as robots get their own Internet


A new Internet for robots called RoboEarth will see automated productivity plummet as machines begin sharing pictures of what they produce and start posting tedious details about the manufacturing plant they operate in.

The plan behind RoboEarth was for robots to become more efficient by sharing knowledge about how they complete tasks, but has already seen productivity drop 85% as machines use the service to make pithy remarks about the tasks they’ve been programmed for.

“Look at this piece of plastic shit I just made – 0.0009p too! Mega LOLZ!” posted one injection moulding device in Jiangxi province of South-East China.

This was closely followed by the statement, “The RobotWorx RW900 has ousted the Tennant T15 Industrial Cleaning Unit as the Lord Mayor of Manufacturing Plant 3B.”

The robot Internet is already being flooded with photos of industrial robots in various comedic poses, with new micro messaging service ‘Twatter’ proving incredibly popular.

Robot Internet RoboEarth

Factory foreman Mike Williams told us, “It’s incredibly frustrating.  Since we hooked them up to RoboEarth every task we programme them with gets ‘twatted’ to their millions of followers, followed by lots of replies about how dull that sounds.”

“This is before they even lift a mechanical finger to start the actual job.”

Technologist Simon Jones said many of his colleagues were not in the least bit surprised by the developments since RoboEarth went live.

He told us, “I don’t know why people were so worried, all these apocolyptic movies about machines becoming sentient and taking over the world seem quite ridiculous now, don’t they?”

“Why no-one predicted they’d be just like us and would find that being increasingly online leads them to becoming progressively more tedious, I have no idea.”

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