Wednesday 9 February 2011

Political parties still funded by pricks


The nation is this morning realising that the nation’s major political parties are still funded by the sort of people that caused the banking crisis and who pull tube drivers out on strike at the drop of a hat.

Following news that rich people give money to people who can make them richer, experts have warned that the sort of people who give money to political parties are only doing so in the hope that any government they fund will do as they say.

“It’s a very simple calculation actually,” said William Mathewson, political analyst.

“The act of giving money to a politician is completely insane when you write it down like that – because you’re willingly giving money.  To a politician. A politician.

“Until of course  you realise they can do things to promote your own personal agenda when they’re in power. Then it makes sense.”

“Whether that agenda is ensuring tube drivers earn more than bankers, or whether you want to keep all your money and stop plebs getting within eight miles of the gates to your London property. Politicians can help, for a price.”

Party Political Funding

Mathewson went on to explain that the only people who give money to political parties without any sort of personal agenda to promote are the same sorts of people who leave all their worldly possessions to a cat shelter.

“I’m surprised this is even news to be honest.”

“Rich people like to keep their money, working people like to get more money, political parties need money to make either of them happen.  I think you see the common denominator there?”

“All that said, I do have to ask what type of fucking moron would donate fifty grand just to ensure a face to face gurn-off with George Osborne.”

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