Wednesday 9 February 2011 by Spacey

Manchester to rebrand itself as an 80’s theme park


Manchester City Council has announced that it is to rebrand itself as an 80’s theme park in light of cuts totalling £109m that will be made over the next year.

It is hoped that a combination of 80’s themed rides and attractions will entice visitors to the area, keen to relive that feeling of hopelessness and despair that is synonymous with inner city areas during the 1980’s.

“It’s not just those that want take a trip down memory lane that we want to see, but also those who weren’t born or were to young to remember,” explained a Council spokesperson.

“They might have heard their parents going on about it, but now they’ll get to experience it first hand.”

Manchester Council to make £105m in cuts

The spokesperson went on to highlight some of the planned attractions that are in store, not just for visitors, but also for those fortunate to live there.

“The areas around the public toilets that are being closed will be renamed ‘Log Flumes’, and the 2,000 job losses combined with library and leisure centre closures will really make it feel like it’s the 80’s all over again.”

“We’re hoping to introduce increased tensions over the coming years that if all goes to plan will result in rioting that will create a truly authentic and interactive experience.”

Prospective visitors to the park have offered a cautious welcome to the plans.

“Will we have to put up with New Romantics?” asked one concerned day-tripper.

“I can live with that, but only of Manchester United go back to being shit.”

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