Monday 7 February 2011 Matt Taylor

Egyptian President Mubarak calls in EasyJet to help delay ‘Day of Departure’


Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak has called in experts from budget airline Easy Jet in order to scupper what opposition activists have dubbed his ‘day of departure’.

Mubarak has come under increasing pressure in the past few days, and was left with no choice but to bring in the Luton-based delay experts.

“No one is better at causing delays to scheduled departures,” said Mr Mubarak, “and I’m confident that along with the thousands of thugs who I’m definitely not paying to cause trouble, Easy Jet will be able to put the finishing touches to my plan to stay in power indefinitely.”

It’s understood that Easy Jet’s first move will be to tell opposition campaigners that the bags they are carrying are slightly bigger than the maximum permitted size and so cannot be carried into the new democratic Egyptian state.

This will be followed by loudspeakers around Tahrir Square announcing “immediate boarding” at one of the square’s many gates causing a rush towards it where protesters will arrive to discover the gate unstaffed with no sign of any activity whatsoever apart from a tiny coffee concession cart selling massively overpriced muffins to fat people.

Mubarak ‘Day of Departure’

EasyJet spokeswoman Liz Wilson said, “The baggage and gate ploys should be enough to cause tempers to flare, leading the anti-Mubarak campaigners to turn on each other in an orgy of murderous frustration, but if this fails we have a back-up plan.”

“This involves claiming that departure of the Mubarak regime has been indefinitely delayed due to weather conditions, which include ‘the wrong kind of democracy’.”

“Our staff will then immediately leave to go home, while Mubarak sends in the tanks the US have been selling him for years.”

“Anyone who’s ever flown with EasyJet will realise that now we’re on his team, Mubarak could well remain exactly where he is for many years yet.”

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