Chelsea striker Fernando Torres has admitted that getting anything from the pocket of Jamie Carragher during his team’s defeat to Liverpool had proved much more difficult than dipping into that of club owner Roman Abramovich.
The Spaniard, whose side went down one-nil at Stamford Bridge to a Liverpool side playing only their second league game of the year with a full compliment of eleven men, displayed all the shortcomings of a man who drops to his knees at the merest sound of a Russian’s zipper being undone.
Torres told reporters, “The pocket of Roman Abramovich is the most excessively lubricated crevice I have ever had the pleasure of entering.”
“It opens with such frequency, with such abandon that one feels the unerring compulsion to be in its company as soon as is humanly possible.”
“I know that Liverpool supporters are quite fond of the company of other people’s wallets, so I would hope that they understood the ease with which I made my decision.”
Torres Chelsea debut
However Torres went on to describe the stark contract between his new pocket, and the one belonging to his former team-mate which he spent most of Sunday afternoon tucked up inside.
He told reporters after the game, “Carragher’s pocket is a far cry from that of Chelsea’s owner. I was in it for sixty minutes non stop and got sod all for my troubles, except some light chafing.”
Chelsea fan Charlie Chalk was less than impressed with the new signing’s debut saying he had seen more enthusiasm from his recently acquired blow up doll.
“You buy a scouser for that sort of money, and you should rightly expect them to be picking pockets in their sleep – but this guy was rubbish.”
“If he carries on like this he’s in very real danger of making Andy Carroll look like a bargain.”