Nick Clegg today promised the nation that the coalition government does have a plan for growth – a really good plan that they worked on for ages – but he accidentally left it in his other jacket.
Clegg confirmed it was really annoying as they did it last week, but then the dog got hold of it after someone left it on the kitchen counter.
The coalition then worked late into the night as they honestly did redo it, but confirmed he was in a rush this morning as his alarm clock didn’t go off and he accidentally put it in the wrong jacket pocket before leaving the house to come here and show it to us.
Mr Clegg appeared genuinely upset that he wasn’t able to show the growth plan to everyone when asked on several occasions to do so.
He said, “It’s a really good growth plan, with lots of impressive numbers that get steadily bigger over time. We put some graphs in it and everything. Really nicely coloured in 3D ones.”
Clegg on growth plans
Mr Clegg did however confirm that he promised he would bring it with him tomorrow, before clarifying “No, wait, it’ll be Monday now, that’ll be ok won’t it? Wednesday at the latest. Or maybe Friday.”
The deputy prime minister went on to deny accusations that he’d sat quietly at the front of the room hoping he wouldn’t be asked for it, believing everyone else would forget about it as well.
He also insisted that he definitely had somewhere he needed to be, and he wasn’t just trying to leave quickly when finally asked for it, offering to show everyone a note in his diary for this really important thing he had to do.
“I’ve done it, honestly – and anyone who says I haven’t is lying.” He went on.
“Oh, and don’t listen to what Ed Balls tells you, he just copied Alan Johnston’s work. George Osborne saw him doing it.”