Friday 4 February 2011

Torres is worth at least eight unicorns and an invisibility cloak, claims Benitez


Former Liverpool boss Rafa Benitez has made himself available for another top managerial position by insisting that Fernando Torres is worth significantly more than the ludicrous amount Chelsea paid for him.

Benitez was talking to the BBC’s Football Focus show in between periods of running around the room in a black cape insisting everyone call him ‘Batboy’.

Commentators have suggested the move may have jeopardised any potential offers borderline insane club owners were thinking of making the Spaniard.

One told us, “Nothing tells a chairman ‘trust me with your wallet’ quite like a man who believes the most over-priced striker in world football is worth at least a few extra mythical creatures.”

“People will say, ‘yes, but he bought him and Liverpool made a massive profit on him’, and I would say Del Boy was sat on a priceless antique watch for twenty years – it doesn’t make him a genius either.”

“It seems the only people who think Torres is worth more than the £50m Chelsea paid for him are Benitez, and Torres’ agent.”

Rafa Benitez interview

Benitez also used the interview to express an interest in returning to Liverpool one day, hopefully in the guise of Batboy in order to rid the Merseyside streets of hobgoblins and angry moomins.

“Liverpool holds special memories for me, and provides a wonderful opportunity for a hero like Batboy. I could see myself returning, definitely, especially if that wizened Weegie that currently rules the city ever turns to the dark side.”

“I would also consider managing Liverpool football club again,” concluded Benitez.

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